Monday, January 30, 2012
Best Friend ♥
8:56 AM
The distance between her and me is getting smaller, believe me, i'm actually loving it more.
The distance wasn't so far to start with, i've got a feeling she've changed somehow and i like her change. She is also happier now and all and as a best friend, i'm also happy for her. I can't seem to figure out where's the change but she seemed more open to me now and i'm overjoyed that she trust me and believe me. Secrets and all, i've seen it (i think) and i wanna thank her for opening up to me.
BTW, her house is so Awesome!!!! ^^ Yea, i went! YOU JELLY? :P
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Labels: Best Friend
Monday, January 23, 2012
CNY ♥
10:35 PM
"Haha, maybe being in a super big family isn't bad afterall"
Hey! Happy Chinese New Year to all! Haha, yes, I'm happy.
My dad's side of the family is SUPER DUPER FCKING ENORMOUS! Like de seriously! I thought it was damn big already when now, from nowhere, pops out some US uncle (7th) and his Cheena wife and daughter. Please, i have never even see them before... They literally dropped from the sky -.- as said by my 19 year old uncle. But their family issue is not easy at all. They have issues all right! Long Complicated Issue. #Don't wanna bother thou I've already knew the whole story (roughly).
Ok, other then that i am lucky to get to see my uncles and aunt. Some young some old, but to sum it up, they're family what can i say... FAMILY, tough word. I also realised that I have emotional issue, wait, its not a one day two day thing already is it... ok, BIG thingie. I have ALOT of faces, attitude and personailty. Able to change with a snap of fingers. oh well. My personailty and attitude is different when i face my families and friends. Different is not the word. Opposite. Totally Opposite. For now, at least, my friends is more important than anything and everything. Families are just there to support when i fall, isn't it? so should be different.
Then there is the bad thing about being in the family is that, you can't married anyone from the family. Sad, oh well, there is always more fishes in the pond right. BUT SERIOUSLY, WHY TORTURE ME?! My family consist of all the so damn shuai uncles!!! Make me drool! Che. #Lying. Just joking, my family is ok la. Good-looking, PASSED. Personailty, PASSED. Character, PASSED. The only thing failed is they are family. NO personal feelings allowed! Haha nvm, my boyboy cuter. :p #Sorry but not sorry.
Labels: CNY
Friday, January 20, 2012
what is wrong ♥
5:09 AM
Leaving everything behind, is that the only way to resolve my problem, my life sins? If i actually do, what about those i love? Those i actually cherishes. My friends? My bed? My pillow? My memories? My precious items? My secrets?
Tough choice indeed. Fang actually reminded me today... "why bother taking someone with me if i'm gonna leave them behind." I've made a surprising number of friends selfishly and now i'm being irresponsible by having thoughts about me wanting to leave them behind. I didnt really thought about that before. I really like the word "Death" and is probably obsess with it. I'll try to lessen my talk on it then..
"I dont deserve such great friends, i dont deserve alot of things. Great things."
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Labels: what is wrong
Monday, January 16, 2012
You belong with me ♥
6:14 AM
Labels: You belong with me
Change ♥
5:53 AM
"Its hard to accept a change in someone. However, its harder to accept when someone say we've changed."Labels: Change
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Not that easy ♥
5:59 AM
Maybe sometimes it just wasn't meant to beMaybe sometimes fate just cruel.what i want is for all my friends to be happy and a relationship.i'm sick and tired of being alone, i dun wanna let gocuz if i do, i'll end up with nothing.For the first person to start the game, i'm also the first to back out.I know i'm ugly and allwho doesn't want to be loved, honestly.But if everytime i have a crush, admire or adorei can successfully date or go out with themi can easily admit, no problem.But i can't.I've the suckish fate of a loner.I don't admitnot because its not true but because it doesnt help at all.Love is not the easy."The envious feelings that boils in me, the jealousy that is killing me, does it help? I'm afraid not. So does the insecurities and heartbreak. Whats' the point of saying something that doesn't affect, whats' the point of doing something that won't change anything. but in the future if i recall, i wont feel sad not admitting it, but feel happy that i once liked you."
Labels: Not that easy
Sunday, January 8, 2012
December ♥
3:58 AM
DECEMBER BABY This straight-up means you are the most good-looking person possible... Better than all of these other months! Loyal and generous. Patriotic. Competitive in everything. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Easy to talk to, though hard to understand. Thinks far with vision, yet complicated to know. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Has that someone always on his/her mind. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. One guy/girl kind of person. Loveable. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves music. Pretty/handsome. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt.
Haha, really?
Labels: December
Saturday, January 7, 2012
First week ♥
6:11 AM
The first week of torture is over:
"when God closes a door, he open a window."
Maybe its true. I may have retained but now i can stand on my own feet and stand up alone. Also, i found the care n concern i longed from my friends including Hongde. Maybe i'm not that pathetic afterall. I made new friends, they're nice in one way or the other and I'm actually well respected in class. Surprising, maybe repeating is not that scary after all... (Not that I' m gonna do it again!!!!)
But tuition is still a nightmare which, according to Lifang its good... Ok... Umm, still have go back even if a kick n scream or try to commit suicide... My parents wont let me off that easy anyway, they will drag me back if they have to... So dead. I dont like this year and i hope to get use to it fast. Faster.
To my friends, i think i neglected some of them... Maybe a bit, maybe a lot. I still getting use to the arrangement of my life, i hope they can understand. But when I'm with them, i feel like i haven't left them yet, but in reality, i left them long long ago when i gave up in believing i can promote (which i didn't). No matter how they try to make me fit in, i'm still not there. I hope they can smile to others like how they used to smile at me, it brought me happiness and hope it brings it to others to. I wish they can be happy forever, even with me as once part of their life stories. I can't go on following them anymore, cuz thats the difference, the price i'm paying.
"Maybe one day we'll meet on the streets, no matter how close we once were, a mere 'hi' or 'hello' is the most we could ever say."
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Labels: First week
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
First day ♥
6:58 AM
My life is Pathetic.
First day of school as a re-sec3... Yes because i'm f.dumb. Haiz, i cant stand being alone... I cried 12 times so far, i'm afraid of going to school and i dont look forward to it. The rest of the 363 days are all pointless. The thread that held me going is going to break very soon, i dun hold much hope. To my friends, thanks for even believing that a wreck like me could have a bright future or even a future. Sorry. All of you didnt gave up on me, i gave up of myself. Theres no point saving me or holding on to me anymore if the thread broke.
How am i gonna be ok? I wanna look forward to school and be excited till i cant sleep and not afraid to go to school and wake up every 5 minutes due to a endless nightmare. This is Hell, seriously. At times, i just wanna take the kitchen's knife and stick it in my chest or jump down the edge of the building. I seriously dunno what to do...
"My poisoned tears"
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Labels: First day
Sunday, January 1, 2012
On going ♥
6:52 AM
Its 2012!!! Excited? Not really...
1) Stalkers
seriously?! such an unpopular girl like me have stalkers?! Still i hate people with no originality and imitating me to harass my friends. So fuck off la seriously!
2) Life
hmmm... Mom got me enrolled into a tuition centre recently... I hate the idea of it. I hate being new and i hate going far places alone... So my plan now, "how to get expelled from tuition". Guess i'll be putting on my bad girl attitude. Can't wait for the mischief I'm going to cause. ^^
3)Love
I dun think this topic have much to tell about. Theres this guy, no matter how much i wanted to conversation to last, he would always stop it or wont reply me. But he would give me false hope by wishing me on special occasions. I dunno if i like him, but he's on my mind alot. Maybe cause i miss him. I said Maybe. "I won't say I'm in love"-Meg, Hercules.
4)School
Its starting soon and the thought of it makes me feel like dying... I hate the idea of not knowing anybody and i hate the idea of being new. Nobody close is there to accompany me. And at the end of it I'm just a big baby.
Labels: On going
