In my dreams, which was so vivid
The you and the me was so different
I could speak words there that I couldn't here
And the you there would listen
In my dreams, it was just us both
In a place somewhere I don't know
with my clothes outside a mall
And a bus that carry us there
In my dreams, you bought me a game
to play with my brother
that was supposed to come with a system
but it didn't
In my dreams, I think I lost my temper
at you but was fired at the shop keeper
which couldn't give me a proper answer
and I told you this was the real me you didn't knew
In my dreams, you were close to tears
seeing my true self and learning
about who I am, blaming yourself
for you didn't see the girl that came out of you
In my dreams, you didn't judge
nor reprimand or deny me
you listened and I spoke all that I couldn't
I was angry and you finally listened
In my dreams, I didn't care
on whether you would accept me
or could live with your conscience of being blind
but I threw out what I held inside me
In my dreams, everything about me
from my conditions to my medications
to how I feel about you and our relationship
coming down to 'I really hated you'
In my dreams, you were a coward
I was a self indulged brat that lashed out
all my confusions, complications and conflicts in me
and all you could say was sorry that you couldn't see
But in this reality, you are still very kept in the dark
unknown to what I feel and how I feel
unknown to who I am truly
because I was the coward that didn't know how to speak
In this reality, I may have thought of hating you
on the whys you brought me into this world
and how you are unable to see my pain
but I know I'm not easy, not in the least
In this reality, what I think you know
is that I really do love you
more than you think
and my pain couldn't compare to the smile upon your face
In this reality, I thank you
for being the person I know and love
from being the first human I open my eyes to
to the one that ends every call with a "love you"
In this reality, I'm contented
in fact, I am blessed
though it's better if you knew
it may be better if you don't
Please continue to love me like you do, mum.
Love, Mklfpy
