Dear Magic,
I think I screwed up again.
It's no surprise I screw up but into such a huge mess which created such a huge pile of stress tumbling down on me. Well, did I mention, I am not good with stress. I mean its not a huge deal, some people need stress to work their things, others can sustain with appropriate amount of it, I just can't have any of it.
Been reading a lot lately, and devoting myself to my kids lately (Im a teacher, not a mother) and sometimes interacting with them gives me different angles and inspirations. It gave me a chance to be in touch with the creativity and innocence I lost on the process of growing up. I mean, the world they see and the world I see though seem to be the reality we all lived in, but it is completely different. They will not be caged by the rules and regulations of what is right and what is wrong, they see the world as something they like and in colour of any without sequence and doing things that they love. But I guess, one can only blame society and their high standards of living and advancement. They strip away the pleasure and joy of the colourful world of the children, colour by colour and shape by shape. The society tends to shape the thoughts of the young creative mind to a solid square that only the status quo remains in it. There rights and wrong of the world carved into the black and white only for the children to absorbed it.
I, as their teacher, am sad to say that I could not make a difference in that. I tried to be myself, to be different to promote that difference is unique and special and it is okay to be different. But me too, is bound by the regulations of the society that teachers are only suppose to be an exemplary characters for the students to look up to.
Well,
- I have blue hair initially to show that exemplary characters do not come from physical appearances - The higher-ups made me bun it up/ cover it/
- I tried to allow the students a bit more freedom to express themselves as kids - Well, they have a timetable to follow and I am suppose to issue the tasks presented to me by my higher-ups.
- During break time, I allow my students to colour and draw while resting, I even printed some colouring pages for them - Actually this is allowed, but not when nearing their examinations dates.
- I tried conditioning them (Its a psychological term, where I reward good behaviour, and punish bad behaviours, look it up for further explanation) - Higher-ups feels that punishment is not applicable to the children due to parents.
- So I tried one-way conditioning (Reward good behaviour) - outcome: the kids do not take into mind the rewards.
Yeap. At least my nails are not on radar, but they are sky blue with glitter now, its kind of an obvious shade. But point is, it is hard to be different and make a different when circumstances are bounded by so many rules and regulations. Do not get me wrong, there is a need for law and security but minor things like hair colour, tattoos etc should not be the talk of a town. It has been for a few centuries already, it is now 90218, new century and we should be advancing towards a change that can better the society and not be bounded by physical attributes as the society limits us to.
You could see a man covered in tattoos and because of society, you were needed to said "He is by all means a scary gangster" instead of "Wow, his tattoos are beautiful" or "hey, that guy could be a CEO of some huge company" but no. You can see a little girl in pigtails wearing pink and fluffy clothes in the newspaper and comment "she must won some little miss pageant content" or "she must have been a victim of some terrible incident" instead of "did she kill somebody?".
I can honestly tell all of you, someone that may covered head to toes with the most fearsome looking body arts, piercing, body alterations, dressing with the most atrocious frantic hairstyle and most different hair colour(s) you have ever seen may not be more dangerous, less qualified to be anyone or anything, or even different than every other normal looking person you do not notice walking pass you every second in your world. But on contra, if someone actually commented about it negatively, it will only reflect that his or her heart, mind and himself or herself are more vile than the person that was just commented on based on physical appearances.
It is taught to me that I am suppose to treat a janitor the same amount of respect as a CEO. I do not know about you, but I uphold that to my very best.
And oh, do watch the Greatest showman, it is fantastic! It shows that difference is not a sin and it is something one should be proud of.
Anyways, this was not why I screwed up. I refused to talk about it so I diverted. Sorry about that Magic. I shall continue writing about other things next time then.
