It has been a while.
I told you in the last post that I have a job but currently, I have 3. One is a tuition teacher that teaches both primary and secondary school kids, one is a student care teacher whom seems more like a disciplinary master than a teacher. Lastly, is the one I've mentioned to you in the previous post. This is a short summary on what's going on in my life, because with my jobs and workload, I seemed like I do not really have time for many things. However, I do have time for myself actually, more than it seems.
But this post is not about any of that. I am writing today to discuss something I am inspired by in a drama series. I am going to write it in Chinese, but I will translate it into English at the bottom.
在许多电视剧与小说里的情景发现，如果人有一个他／她曾经深深爱过的人，无论和谁在一起，自己觉得有多么的幸福快乐，最后再次和那个曾经深爱过的人碰巧遇见，都显得会回到那深爱过的人的身边。不管他／她做过什么，说过什么，现在的伴侣为自己牺牲什么，放弃什么，都相似离不开那位曾经深爱过的人。
这对于我来说，世界也显得太不公平了。对自己，对在自己身边爱护他／她的那个人，对曾经深爱过的那个人。
大多数认识我的朋友，都会知道我曾经有一段无缘的单恋情。单恋了10年一个根本不知情的男生。已经很久了，必须得放下了。我本身可能爱过，也可能深爱过，也有个离不开自己心的难忘影子，也迷惑影子的面目。但，我真心希望不再与可能是那影子的主人再遇。温馨也好，后悔也罢，就把他想象成一个倒在地上未到手的冰淇凌，感觉可惜但觉得不必要再买一个。虽然真心希望不再遇见，可如果天意如此，我并无所谓。一切t听天由命吧。现在的我，我挺满意的。不想再偶遇的原因其实是不想亏欠和伤害现在在我身边爱，保护，珍惜我的那些人。我曾经深爱的他，欣赏我也好，不在意我的存在也罢，依然无所谓，一切如天命。我现在既然已麻木，就让他成为回忆，让它随风而去吧，直到哪一天在一个奇迹般的偶遇之下在让回忆回来吧。
我相信，依然是同样的情景，同样的时间，同样的地方，同样的偶遇，相同的两个人，相遇也不会在一样了。即使没变化，也不可能在发生了。曾经认识爱慕的两个人，于此比普通路人更普通。
“相爱没有那么容易，每个人有他的脾气。过了爱做梦的年纪，轰轰烈烈不如平静。幸福没有那么容易，所以才特别让人着迷。什么都不懂的年纪，曾经最掏心，所以最开心，曾经。” ~没那么简单，黄小琥。
Translated:
In many television drama series and novels, it is known that if a person has a person he/she has ever loved deeply, no matter who he/she is, who he/she is with, how happy he feels, when finally he/she once again happens to meet the person he/she once loved. upon meeting, they all seem to return to those who have they had first loved so deeply. Regardless of what he/she has done or what he/she has said, what the current partner sacrifices for him/herself and what he/she gave up, they seemed to be unable to leave the one whom he once loved deeply.
To me, the world is too unfair. To the person him/herself, to the person who is currently with him/her, to the person who one had once loved deeply.
Most of my friends who know me will know that I once had a lonely (can be considered as kind of pathetic) one-sided relationship. An unrequited love for an unknowing boy for 10 years. It had been a long time and it is time to let it go. I may have once loved and I may have once loved deeply, I also may have an unforgettable shadow that does not leave my heart, and I may be confused by the face of that shadow. However, I sincerely hope that I will not come to meet the person who may be the face of that shadow in my heart. Whether it was once comforting or whether it was regretful, I had imagined him to be an ice cream that I did not even had a chance to grab it before falling onto the ground. It was a pity but felt that it was unnecessary to buy another one. Although I sincerely hope that the meet does not happen, but if fate allows, I would not seem to mind. I leave it up to fate. Now to me, I am quite satisfied with I am. The reason why I do not wish that the meet happens is that, I do not want to owe and hurt those who love, protect and cherish the me now. I loved him once and appreciated the chance I had with him, even if he used to fancy me, or whether he ignored my existence, it do not matter anymore so. Destiny played it's role, and the chance is over now. My feelings towards him are numbing, so why not let him be a memory and let that memory go with the wind, until one miraculous encounter happens, bringing those memories back. But before then, I am fine with who I am now.
I believe that even in the same situation, same time, same place, same encounter, the same two people, the meet will still be not be the same as before. Even if change did not happen, it will still be different. The 2 person that once knew love, behaved like ordinary passers-by, like they have never been in each other's life.
As much as I like to say, life is complicated, it is more than just that. Magic, what do you think?
I miss you, Magic. XOXO.
