Can you imagine if one day,
The noises from around your place of comfort disappears?
The neighboring blocks wedding cheers,
the loud bickering amongst the neighbors and their families,
the passing people that was talking without any social awareness.
The voices of the people living in your house;
the mum's demanding yet sweet voice,
the dad's max-ed volume telly,
the siblings whining,
talking,
ranting,
gossiping,
or even snoring.
Will you feel alone then?
Only when your conscious rings from the only living, breathing thing in the house,
will then you realize, you feel lonely.
Empty.
When it thunders and its cold, shivering, and you open your eyes to the reality that you remember
you're alone.
Is that when you admits to being scared of being alone.
The void echoes the sound of your heart and maximizes it by a zillion, letting you hear everything that you do not want to. Your fears, your anxieties, your problems, your secrets, your plan for tomorrow, your to-do list.
The thought of dying. Thoughts of being dead. You thought of your happy memories, and wanting to go back there. Never coming back.
Giving up. Giving in.
Thought.
All at once. Clouding every inch of the sanity that you held so dearly onto.
You felt that the world was weighing on your shoulders at the one moment, YOUR world was weighing onto you.
Scared, alone, shivering.
Before you regain your sanity and judgement, you were hugging your leg on the floor in a corner of your 'safe' room, with tear puddles surrounding your feet. Used tissues across the floor with stuff that you blew out of your nose and eyes.
Afraid of the huge world outside of your window, afraid of everybody. But most, afraid of the emptiness you feel and the void in yourself.
That was an anxiety attack within less than 10 minutes. That i just had. Not deadly, not permanent.
But it further woke up more fear inside of me, let alone the massive thinking that was not necessary.
Triggered by just a mere feeling of loneliness.
