What is change?
Change is the flipping of calendar and watching the color of leaves on trees do magic tricks. Change is the mood swings of the weather when it varies from a thunderstorm to a rainbow in clear day. What is change?
Change, is when you can go through the same scenario, situation or the day with completely different mood, attitude and as a different person.
They say Change is essential, and inevitable but they forgot to mention that change can be scary, difficult and have a turn for the worse. Change is reality.
it is the same as when you are young, you dream about being princess like Aurora, Belle and Cinderella. But when you realized what is closer to be than those princesses is none other than Fiona. The person you long dream about could no less be just a dream, a fantasy that you did not get to live in. But then, maybe that dream was not meant for you, as they say;" the next one will be better".
I have written this before, and i will write again: When one door closes, another will open. It did for my case, however the change, i was not able to adapt to it, even till now.
It's so sad that the people that gave me the best memories, became a memory. // And how helpless I can be, to know that I do not have the ability to bring them back or the courage to ask them to stay.
I have taken way too much things for granted. Be it her friendship, be it his love. I do not deserve any of it.
Anyways, all these had past. But the past left lessons that we pick up when we overcome the stages of grief, and sometimes these lessons harden our most sensitive and vital organ from everybody else. My regret at this current moment is that I will admit to being unable to open up to anybody at all, be it to show affection, be it to show misery, or even to show genuine expressions. I apologize to those who hold me truly. in heart and in soul. I am Very afraid of getting hurt, so harsh fact: Even if anybody leaves me now, I will feel completely fine.
For that, I guess I am going to Hell.
And this is the change I experienced; to seek solace in grief and in the lonely empire that i established after banishing every being behind the sky-high wall to contain my fears. My solitude, i guess.
I could always find you in my best memories,
And I could always count on you being there for me.
Your shadow was a shade for my heart.
Was. Could. Were. Gone.
I miss you. xoxo.
