Some said I've matured, some said I have changed. I wouldn't know, would I. :) But I have learnt so much that it is inevitable to not change.
Laos.
The trip was not as terrible as I feared and surprisingly, I had fun and met a lot of new people, made a lot of new friends. I really don't have much to say, anymore, as this trip was suppose to filled with great memories but in the end, due to some misunderstanding, it had cast a dark shadow in the light. Something happened during the trip, something happened to me. I won't say the details or who is involved but I have a lot of grudge to release, bear with me. :D So I shall start by showing you guys pictures.
Yes, duckies are the cutest thing in the world, next to snakes and zhai.
Not edited. :)
Lunch, anybody? XD
Very tumblr worthy. :)
Time is not going to stop for anybody, life still goes on whether one is willing or unwilling.
And yet, I am still here.
Seasons is changing, the World is changing, even time is changing. Why aren't I?
When I was younger, I was told what was right and what was wrong. I was told stories like 'the boy who cried wolf', 'the little red riding hood' and 'three little pigs'. It was so clear then; things I should do, things I could say and my morals.
However, why have these all changed when I grow up?!
A mother once told the daughter that to be a good person, she is not suppose to lie, cheat or swear. When the daughter grew up, she did exactly as she was told just to step out to the world that survives by lying, cheating and swearing. Haha, such irony, such a sight to behold.
I am not that daughter. I grew up influenced and influencing the dreams and nightmares of the world. I listen to only what I want to hear, say what I want to say. It is not about the truth or lies, black or white, but I breathe the freedom. Who is to determine what you feel, who is to say that you are wrong, because there is no crime in being yourself. You can get judged, teased, humiliated, backstabbed and maybe, the people around you will leave, so what? You are yourself; you are comfortable being in your own shoes, you are not restricted or suffocated to do anything.
"Never regret anything because at one point, it was what you wanted."
If I have said it before, I have said it a million times; I have never regretted being in depression in the past. That depth in my life made me realized many things, it made me learn. People that could understand, they have stayed with me till todays. Those that did not, probably left centuries ago. I know, they came and they left, it would scarred me a few and I was hurt but then again, who in this discolored world haven't been hurt or miserable in their lives? We learn from our mistakes, build walls more solid then before and, starts pushing people away, are we wronged to do that?
I am not wrong to not trust easily, I am not wrong to have scars and, I am not wrong to be fearful of everybody and everything including myself. I am still growing despite the fact that I hate that idea to the core. My fantasies and fairytales are never going to happen and yet, I continue believing in them. Why does adults have to take away every faith, every trust and every hope that a teenager holds in her inner-child's heart? I don't get it. Why must everyone only believes in his/her own theories? Why don't they see it from others point of view? Why won't they see my point of view; to try to understand me despite how frustratingly difficult I am, to try to feel me in my happy, sad and pained?
Why won't they stop determining and insisting their 'facts' about me?
Why do they want to force a satisfied normal person to admits she is abnormal? I really don't get it.
What I do get is, nobody can make me do anything or feel anything without my own consent, and I also got that if this is what it is like to be an adult then, I would prefer to live as a child in a fully grown body and refuses to admit to the concepts of the discolored.
"You made me grow up to realize that you killed a child and enslaved it to lived as something I detested."
I have always loved the dark more than the light, some people won't understand. You have your hobbies, and I have mine, why can't people just let me be? Why do I have to be like everybody else; so fearful of that monster inside them? Can't I love it? Naturally there are things that we are afraid of but there are also things we cherish and love; so, nobody in the right mind would like their precious beloved things to be taken away or anybody to say they can't love what they love. Similarly, I don't like it.
I would not be so bold to request for anybody to understand me, but I am asking and pleading people to just let me be. Is it too much to ask?
