Do you know the feeling upon seeing the person that once you hated because they did something to you, having a happier life compared to you?
Mine? " Wow, that's so..... Unfair."
But this is how life goes. There's nothing as being fair in reality. Communism is a belief that is harder to achieve than what it really is. Humanity every struggle is made to beat life at its own game however, fairness was erased.
"We are all in the same game, just different levels. Dealing with the same hell, just different devils."
Why should it fair if:
1. the poor suffers more than the rich?
2. people working harder than the rest?
3. people that knows their priorities straight?
4. some people needs it when others want it?
Sometimes only we think that it is unfair to us, but have we thought about the other party? Have we considered that they might think its fair because of what they do and did? "Maybe they deserve it"' have we ever thought about that?
That person may be once been a severe bitch to me and I honestly do not think she deserves anything she have currently, but its her life. Fair, is something quite subjective. In my case, bias against her. She tortured me and left me feeling helpless and hopeless just because of jealousy. Jealous that her only friend was gravitated towards me instead of her. Such wow. That period of time, was where I wanted to feel secure the most; my closest friends left, I haven't met that bestfriend of mine yet, didn't really made any friends, doesn't feel that I fit in, doesn't felt well-liked. I'm just happy that they accepted me into their group but I made her felt insecure, I guess, thus the stab in the back.
But my life was in ruins then; bits and pieces, blood, scars and depression. In the end, I can only feel unfair, that she's happy. Maybe to her, its fair as I caused her insecurities.
Haha, like honestly, who actually can accept me for the likes of being me. I'm such a freak.
Many things have happened so far; many memories made, many new people met, many new experiences. Different people had told me the same things about my negativities, my insecurities and life. But I'm still looking for those people who actually can accept me for who I really am, and not some kind of hyper cheerful dumb nut. However, I don't really know me anymore, I didn't know me in the first place.
"假装自己忘得掉
假装自己不难过
假装自己不会哭
假装自己很快乐
原来假装久了
自己都不认识自己了。"
假装自己不难过
假装自己不会哭
假装自己很快乐
原来假装久了
自己都不认识自己了。"
P.s. Shall post about my memories and pained love beliefs soon. :) Haha, at least I posted a selfie of myself in this post. :)
