This week is on such fast forward mode. Jar's on pms, be careful.
Well, that explains so much. Sometimes it hurts you so bad that you can only divert the pain else where. Well, that's my habit, though its a bad one but it works so just let me be. :)
"Scientists found a formula for 'dreams made real' : R=V x D, Realisation = visualization x Dreams."
I'm such an abnormal person. Whatever I believe in, people seemed to laugh at it or say its stupid and impossible. My friends interpret that I live in my own world. This world of mine is sealed off differences and prejudice. Imagine this:
"In a floating island above all heads, lives a huge castle claiming every inch of that island. The castle walls are made of negativity such as lies and imperfection, mirroring everyone that every sinned. This castle is owned by the greatest imperfect creation that God had created, the biggest sinner, the Devil. Lonely as it seemed, cold as the barred walls, she's scared. But some angels manage to descend onto the island and manage to make the devil love. Companionship. Some left, some remains accompanying the devil. But she fears that she may lose them anytime, she also fears that they would betray her; stabbing her in the back. When she doubted and feared, a wall would grow separating them and isolating her. The walls grew more and more. It was like a maze inside the castle. More angels left, the rest were either lost or they climbed every wall to get to the devil. As time goes, more and more angels seemed to found their way to her. Slowly the walls lessen. However, the devil sealed off the castle, so mortals and angels no longer can get to her, unless they are able to face the negativity-build castle from the outside. Every emotion, every feeling is an object in the castle. She love the angels that managed to make her life a little less painful, but there's always those that are outside the castle trying to break it down. Hammering the negativity and altering the imperfection."
But don't you see? This isn't the way to prove you love or care about me. This is my world, you can't just break it down. I need it. If you're trying to change me, you don't love the real me, neither do you care much about what I think. I love this world. I would chose to die in fiction then to live in reality any day.
The angels, my loves are none other than the few: B3TR4YERS, SMC, YOULICA, Mary and Her.
My love for them will never be any lesser than the number of stars in the universe. They did all they could for me and had been there for me completely, even when I'm not for them. I really do love them. I won't say they fully could accept my negativities and habits but they love me for me and never fail to be there if I were to tear or break. They understand whatever I feel and treats it like they are also feeling me. If I even think of asking for more, I would be too selfish.
But that one love for that special someone haven't been found yet. I've always been so sure it was him, it was going to be him, but now I need to forget him. 8 years have been a long time, I guess. But its not all that tiring or sad. I suppose, enough is enough. He can't seemed to leave my heart or mind though. So I'll keep him there, and he'll become the nutrients for the story of my life.
Love is such a pain in the bottom. *sighs*
I hope I can find a guy like this; accepts all my flaws, my imperfection and my negativity. Its hard, I guess, especially with that many that says empty 'I love you's but they don't know you, they have no idea what you feel. I suppose they won't care enough to care or help you. In the end, after they knew, they'll hate and detest the being inside you. This happened before and it may happen again.
But I would just like to say:
Love, Jar.
"In a discolored world, with you and you alone."
P.s. I'm so dying to do a post of jealousy, madness, fear and depression. But haish, can't think of the words and didn't have the perfect mood. Omg, I seriously feel like doing a post on madness, my love for madness. Aish. Sheesh. I shall do when requested. :)
Xoxo.
