They say that once poly starts, you'll have less to no time for anything else. I finally got that meaning.
Things have been quite a fast-forward experience so far. Class tests approaching, common tests approaching and clinical attachment also approaching. Some teachers are bullet training and slow down to realize that her students are lacking behind. Way behind. Not that I'm not but I guess I will try to catch up on my own. Try.
Am I stress? Well, can I ask, if anybody ever felt un-stressed? So I guess, I am. But its never about the stress or pressure or time, its about how you cope with it. Some people that is seen having that large amount of time which makes you drool over, they are usually the ones that manage their time and stress better or, they just don't care. I'm not one who manages my life very well. Like my body, everything is imbalanced or in scientific terms, not in homeostasis.
Homeostasis is the balance of things.
Friends, family, school, love and myself all in the wrong places, at the wrong time.
Recently, communication with my families have been considered okay. Maybe because I'm not home most of the time, can't really 'communicate' but its fine.
Love, Well, all I can really say for this part is that I really want to forget him. But whenever I try, there's a strong feeling that somehow, we'll find a way back to each other. That feeling makes me not want to give up but this time... It stopped. The dreams, my imaginations and that intuition. As I made my choice; I don't want to give up or feel guilty for not doing all the things I want to try, don't want to keep believing in a false hope that may or may not happen in the future. If it really happens then, I'll be smiling, if it doesn't, I want to be smiling too. At least not frowning because of the aspect called "love".
Well, I'm okay. To those people that really cares about me but yet, I closed them out. I shall write a short message to all the different important friends in my current life.
B3TR4YERS
Hey. I'm sorry that I haven't been writing in the group much despite the fact some of you did mention me. Sometimes I do left out (Lifang Darling will probably say "Walao we didn't lor, is you leave yourself out in the first place. You know how the clique is, they don't care de."), yea I know, but sometimes I tried to squeeze in however, I was still left out there. Its true that I should have gotten used to the way clique acts and behave but sometimes, just sometimes, I just want to know that they actually cared. I guess I really do have security and trust issues. To Youxia hon, thank you for noticing I was gone and thank you for the care and concern you show for me. Its a bit messy but I'll clean up and return to the clique, soon hopefully. To Lifang darling, I can't believe you believed what I told you in the bus XDXD, its not the entire truth. I might attention seeking but not like this, I won't. I have a lot going on in my mind and in my life. I don't wish for you guys to understand, just pardon me on my tone, attitude and disappearances. To the tweedle dee and tweedle dum; Roy dear and Aloy hun, almost most of the time I really don't know what you guys talks about, its fine. I love both of you equally and I just want to say, please stay this cheerful and chatty always. After all, you guys are the ones keeping the group alive, most of the time.
SMC
I really do miss you guys, so so damn much. I really hope for the time to go visit you all. However, you guys are doing your best in fighting your war which I fought already. So I shall hold back my desires to hug and camwhore with all of you, at least after your fight. Anyways, usually at this time even if you guys are free, I'm not. But I guess I'll find time for you guys. I Love you, Erin, Joy, Jianhao and Penny. Jiayous and I'll always be here supporting you guys, but if you do need any help, contact me. My phone will always be open for you guys.
P.s. Chemistry, Mathematics or Physics only. XDXD
To the one I lost
Hey, I've been updating 'our' book even though its not possible for you to read it any longer. But its ok, I shall continue writing in it as though I'm writing to you.
I'm sorry I made you feel so miserable the past few days. My mistake caused you to be so torn and caused me to lose you. I know its my fault so I will accept the consequences and your decision. I'm really sorry for all the things I should have done as a friend, but I didn't. Don't worry about me any longer okay, I'm fine. :). Take care and all the best.
Thank you for everything. You were one of the few which I trust with my life and could actually feel beautiful in front of. Thank you.
I feel sick.
I need time to be alone, to think and to decide.
My life's in bits and pieces,
some drowning.
I need air, freedom,
to be alone.
"快乐的背后是伤心。
坚强的背后是寂寞。
希望的背后是绝望。。。
难道不是吗? "
"快乐的背后是伤心。
坚强的背后是寂寞。
希望的背后是绝望。。。
难道不是吗? "
