You need to know what you are getting yourself into. But sometimes even if you did, you end up behaving the same, coming to the same conclusion as before. Sometimes.
I often hear people say "You got to be careful especially when playing with fire; it maybe fun initially but you will get more daring when time passes, and when it actually starts to burn, it is too late to reverse the pain". Am I too late?
I know what game I am playing, I just might not know the reasons, or the purpose, or the goal. But I am still playing, not planning to stop anytime soon. I am very sure I know what I was playing with, after all I was the one who started it. It is like a game of chess which I had planned to deceive the opponent and yet, I forgot to plan my moves and the opponent got ahead.
This was much more vexing than I thought and I don't do vexing. Complication is an understatement and now, it is a situation. I might be confused just like Alice was when she fell down the rabbit hole, am I not to be?
Occurrence comes once in a while, but I have never once thought I did anything to feel guilty about. I did loved before and I see no reason denying it, however if it still haunts me seeing you in my dreams, I do not know anymore. I denied the existence of romance and love, I revoked it from my head and clear my mind of it. Which only makes your existence clearer isn't it. It's been like what, 10 years? "I did loved you, but you need to realise that loving you was the only mistake I've felt right my entire life and now, I'm questioning it."
What is your excuse for doing things the way you do? It was never reasons, but excuses because it is never the right thing, even when it is right.
You know, I have always love broken people. They may not know what he, she, you or I feel, but they know what it's like to treat someone better, more proper than people that don't. Just like that boy I know that hangs his head low when seeing oceans like it was on his feet, whose facial expression changes into a dark shade of an piece of cosmos cut out from the universe, staring of into the distance. He led me thinking if there was one as cruel as my denies that sank his hopes and dreams, or if there was something which could be of any weightage that cause the world's pressure on him. It is so sad that something tiny like a key hole could be the reason a ship sinks, or that one tiny mistake could scar a person for life. In a more understandable context; like the my friend's test, a half mark could change her grade from F to pass.
Never underestimate the thoughts of a creative and brilliant mind, which so happens that everybody including you and I have one.
Sorry guys and girls which do not understand anything in this post, I was just typing out my hectic thoughts in a bundle and hoping, just hoping, that maybe one day I can tell these to somebody. But it is okay, because my bestfriend just called and I did.
I shall write a proper post soon. Thanks for reading, xoxo.
