People I really love tend to be leaving me, one by one, and I just can't get myself together.
I do not really get along with people, I am scared of people. I have social anxieties and I dislike people. But there are these people that come along and reaches out to the me crouching in a corner and crying to myself, when I looked up I cannot clearly see their faces but there are rays of light shining in the background. Wiping the tears away, I manage to view their faces, this was when I thought to myself, "they are going to be just like everybody else". I did not have much hope or expectation that anyone would last or move me. However, these people gave me the love, attention and concern I wanted and they genuine about it. I really did see that they really like me, and it was a tremendous thing for me.
But now they are leaving. Leaving me behind, leaving me to crouch back into the corner and continue where I left of. I am scared, absolutely terrified. I cannot handle feeling alone, I am not as strong as I look. But they are going. Going to a place where I can't be, going to somewhere where there is no us. Why can't they stay? Why can't I be the reason they need for an excuse to stay? Why must they choose to leave me here by myself?
I know and should understand that they chose the path they think it is best suited for them, and I should be happy for them. But I am too fearful for my own selfish reasons to be happy for them. I thought I could, I sincerely wished I could, however I couldn't. I just do not get it, and do not want to.
But it is the choice they made and will not be able to change any longer. I am disappointed in myself, for unable to be impactful or a good enough reason for them, those people I really really love, to stay. Some nights I even told myself, I would not even mind if they lied told me that I was part of their reasons to be reluctant to leave, a little even just a tiny little bit. I wouldn't mind. I know it is horribly selfish of me to think that I am of no to low importance to them, but the thought just invades my head on a continuous thrashing basis. I am just so sorry that I am not good enough.
But, they are going to leave anyways, no matter how miserable I am going to be, how hard I am going to be missing them, and how painful my heart aches and breaks thinking about them.
I really cannot bring myself to say,
Goodbye.
"Honey, Devils might be fallen Angels but, Angels cry too."
