Hey Readers/Wanderers,
It has been a long time since I have updated my blog and for that I apologise. What happened these few weeks or months have been vexing and I wish not to bore you with my life just yet. But like the title of this post, I am going to pass a message to all of you. It may be a slow processing and that the contents might not make sense, but I guess only some of you would understand. For the message is my sincere words that are left unspoken and even unheard. I said that it is to all of you, as you stumbled upon my blog, I am guessing it is not for no reason. Anyways, feel free to ask any questions via the chat box and comments section in this blog or via my twitter, Facebook, Instagram or if you know me personally, you can text or even call me. But whether I pick up the calls, it is another question, so I would prefer for you not to call. So, I will get on with it then. :)
"If you do not know, ask. If you want others to know, tell. Nobody will know what anybody wants if everybody do not say or ask anything"
Dear xxx (you),
In this world, people often hide things inside them. Things like feelings/emotions, problems, truths, etc. And these things are often the cause of conflicts, misunderstandings, arguments and fights which in worse case scenario, could lead to death. I tend to have some bad habits and hiding my inner most feelings, emotions and thoughts is just one of it. It is not as serious as causing death but, sometimes people around me gets hurt or stall or forced to wait for my reply and that, is the worst. Nobody is suppose to stop for anybody. Time waits for no one and for these people that really care and love me, they just have to suspend while everything around them moves on. They could be missing out on chances and opportunities or miss out on the happiness and moments and that, will be my fault. There are some words for some people, be it good or bad words, that have been eating me up from inside since for a very long time. I am not to be direct it at anybody in specific but if the shoe matches, feel free to wear it. But to the right people, with all due respect, it is my upmost sincere and personal confession. I am sorry, it took so long.
"I have been a coward my entire life and my heart turned dark at a period of time. You, my dear, stayed with me throughout and love me for whatever I am. Even to this day. Honestly, there are just so many words I want to tell you and I was thinking about us for the longest time. I am selfish that is why I still do not dare to say anything to you, directly. As your love have been fuelling me and kept me going. I delayed because I like being loved. Like I said, selfish. But, I do not deserve you. I know this sounds cliché and that you probably thinks that I am just using it as an excuse but no, I am not. You really do deserve better despite thinking you don't, and you should really move on. I thank you for this and I do not wish to be the reason to hold you back from anything anymore. You should think and feel better about yourself, for I really think you are awesome. Thank you for everything and I miss you and our friends. Hope to see you soon."
"You, my friend, are a perfect piece of work. I'm like Alice and you're the wonderland, but I never got there. I fell and just keep falling and falling and falling. The feeling of devastation never ended and you know what's weird? I just kept lying and lying about you. I guess you're the reason why Peter Pan is so darn important to me. Live the moment. And the words that I have hidden from you have changed. From 'I love you' to 'I loved you' to 'pass me that'. You are just another fairy tale story that my mum used to read me at night, but at that time, I thought fairy tales were real. I am not blaming you for anything, I just want to say, thank you for once existing in my life and that I am sorry for been a stain in yours. If society was the universe, you and I are from different dimensions and I guess I should have accepted it the moment I realised."
"Gosh, you are way too optimistic and that, irritates me to no end. I get that it is you and all but, why do you have to force it on me? Especially when I am furious and you make every of my sentence a joking matter. You like people smiling, I got it. You like people being happy, I got it. You like trying to make others smile, I also got it. But not when they are blowing over the top. Also, I like you as a friend and I think you should know that. I glad you are happy and moved on. At least that is what you wanted me to think and feel, I am happy for you if that's the case. I'm sure you are a swell guy, just do not annoy me when I am in a 'wanting to kill someone' mood. Thanks."
"I know that we were suppose to meet that day, but one of you had an exam. After all, school does come first. I really missed you guys and I sort of feel that we all drifted apart. New friends and schools. I once was reassured by the sentence 'You two are fools if you think I've given up on you two.' However, I do not feel so reassured anymore. I guess I really miss you guys, either that or I am giving up on us as well. I do hope that is not the case and that I should be understanding that you guys are busy. But people often say that if someone means something to you, you would make time. Anyways, hope to see you guys soon. Xoxo."
There are many more things I would like to say to some more people however, words betray me. And I guess, that it is not the time yet.
To all of you, do not regret saying things that you said, cause at one point, you wanted to say it. But it should be truthful and sincere, from the heart. Let the people closest to you know what you are thinking and how you feel. Do not let complications happen just because you did not say things that you wanted to. Don't do anything you will regret.
